Friday, August 14, 2015

The Proper Use of Hashtags

You know those moments when you feel optimistic about everything (ahem, last post)? Why do they never last long? Oh yeah, here's why:

Full-blown baby acne by the time your kid is meeting her extended family.

Getting the flu with an infant and without dad.

Losing air conditioning in your car in August in Japan.

Playing the extreme sport of consuming milk past its expiration date. Wait, I kind of enjoy this.

Missing your deployed husband's FaceTime call by minutes. (At which point he dropped the phone and ran away apparently.)

Selling out and going to Hawaii instead of Singapore. #firstworldproblems

Singapore's Marina Bay Sands resort
with a famous infinity pool to die for (via MailOnline).
A two-hour plus expensive commute to the airport then a delayed flight, then one of those achingly stinky blow-outs and later a wet T-shirt contest no one wants to see.

Being lonely enough you wish you were on a big gray boat in the middle of the ocean because hey, at least you'd have a cook and laundry service and constant buddies.

Joyce Carol Oates via Incandescere along with a good quote.
And here's a good article
Wearing a dress all day at work for an anticlimactic reunion - Jules in her third-cutest outfit because guess what happened to the others...

Running around town to the soundtrack of your baby crying.

Spidey-sense boobs.

Dog poop.

Baby poop.

Your poop.
Joyce Maynard before Looking Back:
A Chronicle of Growing Up Old in the Sixties
.
She's also the author of book/movie Labor Day
and mom to Hart of Dixie's Wilson Bethel
not to mention the Salinger scandal?

Dog hair.

Your hair.

Being responsible for feeding three living things.

Feeling more vulnerable as a parent than a mail-order bride.

Your spouse coming home then saying he's leaving again until Jesus' birthday.
Well why don't I just plan on seeing you at Jules' sweet sixteen then! At which point I'll make you buy her a 2031 Fiat to make up for all the lost time! Okay, okay, I digress. No, you're right, it's a great opportunity. GRUMBLE GRUMBLE  HAPPY FACE TO THE WORLD GRUMBLE GRUMBLE SHAMELESSLY TO ANYONE WHO'LL LISTEN
Cockroach-like belly-up cicadas on your stoop.

Breast milk storage requirements.

Car seat weight and narrow places.

99% humidity with a baby strapped to your chest.

#pityparty

So now that that's done, I'm back to the high of freebie calories, short hair and my recent discovery that maybe everyone named Joyce is a fantastic writer (see above of you're into books).

And I've got him and her - and a family no one can tear asunder. #knockonwood

#hashtaghashtaghashtag