Friday, August 19, 2011

Wanted: User-Friendly Best Friend

On a good day, I'm a glass half full girl.

So, I'll begin with what I have.

I have childhood best friends. The people who know your 11-year-old self as much as your 28-year-old one. They sat by you at lunch and slept over on weekends. They made you laugh so hard you peed. They stuck up for you. You fought, you made up, you leaned on each other when you got dumped, or were worried about something especially big. You stay in touch in any way you can, because you can't imagine not.

I have college roommates. Friends from a year abroad, or who was just as excited as you about going from dorm to off-campus living. You may not stay in touch as much, but if you do, or see each other, you don't miss a beat.

I have siblings. Sweet, brilliant ones. Ones who give sincere hugs and ask sincere questions. Who are doing amazing, impressive things across the country.
Sigh, (Can you see what I'm getting at?).

I have a good mom. And dad. And like good moms and dads, they are my parents before my friends.

I have former co-workers. Who do a fairly spiffy job of keeping the conversations alive. Random text messages about good books and movies. Now and then birthday presents of jelly beans and funny cards. Even willing to meet up for sushi when I pass through their sunny parts of California.

I have two consistent e-mail buddies, another introvert and another writer. Some days, this is perfect. Being content to be a freelance writer means I usually adore being left alone all day. But not all the time. And when I'm somewhere in-between, rehashing the best quips from the previous night's 30 Rock, or encouraging words about zany novel-ing, is just what I need.

I'm a military wife. And just a wife. So, there's always a nice, little conduit to female companionship there. Be it Cary's best friend's wife. Be it the wives, girlfriends, or fiances of aviators. Be it a kick-ass aviatrix herself. And of course, there's always the mass e-mail about "lunch bunches" and "game nights," invitations to baby showers and teas. And while everyone understands we're all in need of local pals, we're all just passing through. Especially during training.

I have a husband who is my best friend. This zaps all feelings of isolation 99.9% of the time. But even a gay guy ... There are some things male buddies just don't get. Never mind, I would gladly accept applications for a GBF TODAY.

And I have a dog who's my best friend when my husband is in the dog house.
(The cat doesn't count since she bites.)

Courtesy of eMovingStorage
What I don't have is what I've come to title as a
'user-friendly best friend, will travel, clone-like.'
Sadly, I realized advertising for one on Craigslist might lead to my grissly murder by an Apple computer/Vanilla Sky lover. Best friends only come in the form of friendship bracelets and other jewelry via Ebay. And 222 Facebook acquaintances, and Twitter followers who un-follow me as quickly as they follow me, don't count.

Maybe it's all the friendship-themed books I've read lately. I want Ron, Hermione and Harry always nearby and ready to make me laugh or help me with something. I want Minny, Skeeter and Aibileen. I want a bond like Princess Lissa and Rose Hathaway have. (Well, maybe without the ghosts and insanity.) But I'll be moving every few years of most of my life now. So, in every place, I'm holding open auditions internally for a BF. Because my childhood friends, family, and even latest and greatest buds, no matter how tiny or flexible, won't fit in my suitcase. (And they have lives in case you were like, hey, just throw them in the moving truck; they're not bigger than a couch.) Thus, I have to resort to this:

The Internal Examiner
Classifieds section
Naval aviator wife seeks user-friendly best friend 
Courtesy of Sony Pictures
Military knowledge not necessary, just super easy-going personality. In fact, zero aircraft talk a plus. No babies yet. Likes animals. Would love to travel to places like Japan, Guam, Hawaii, San Diego, Virginia, Florida, Washington D.C., Europe, and other places including the Eastern seaboard. Always writes and calls back or explains why not. Book and movie buff to no end. Chocolate and wine fan. Comic book fan. A nice blend of agreeable and opinionated. Can talk sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. Or pop. Someone I don't have to pretend around that I don't know the names of almost every movie or TV star you'll ever try to think of, and that I haven't actually finished a show's entire season in one workday. Knows laughter is the best medicine.
Thinking more long-term? Consider baby back-packing. Where we stuff our little ones into Baby Bjorns and do things like walk on the Great Wall of China and tour volcanos.
It's a tall order, I know. But I'll make it worth your while. 
Note: Will give rides to airport but complain about it, so I don't feel guilty when I do. 

*     *     *     *     *

"So," Cary says, "You basically want an Aly clone."

"Yeah. Basically ... But better. The 2.0 version."

Courtesy of Sony Pictures

Monday, August 8, 2011

Why Fear is My Wish

I have a friend who has a Tumblr. And while this micro-blogging site still first brings to mind patio cups, it's the only place I go regularly to get inspired by its cryptic text, true beauty images and soulful Shuffle ideas. She strikes me as private, so I won't share the link directly. But maybe she'll read this sometime and share it with you melon ball lovers in a comment. If you're lucky, you'll get a link to her Frisco-dedicated tumble as well. If I'm lucky, she won't loathe me for plagiarizing the most beautiful of them all. To me. Of late. Because people who read windy blogs deserve to be cryptically inspired, too.

Sometimes we discuss posts over e-mail, but usually I admire and feel better in silence. She did explain to me one time how Freud had a theory about fear being our wish. Hm. [ponder]

Our thoughts and feelings intertwine here.

Courtesy of Elizabeth Miervaldis
all men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from and to and why

--James Thurber

Fuck what they think. ~Cheynesaw

{paraphrased} Especially while naked, appreciate flaws, struggles, substances, athletics and overall strength. Scars, weird teeth, mistakes, pills. Every curve, every scream of protest. Thank these things. Maybe above all else for women.

RIP Jasper

you are the first and only cat i’ve met since moving to this city.  when i couldn’t tell if these new people liked me, i knew that you did and it made things better in a small but significant way.  those boys loved you so much, even if they were annoyed with your cries for attention in the early morning hours.  you just wanted to be with them.  you just wanted to be loved.  it’s all anyone really wants.  jasper, you will be missed.  i hope you get all the cat food and head scratches you want in heaven.

"And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened." --Douglas Coupland, source

How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion and connection we need to embrace our imperfections and recognize we are enough - we are worthy of love, belonging and joy? ... Love with your whole heart, even though there’s no guarantee. --Questions posed by Dr. BrenĂ© Brown, Wholeheartedness researcher and professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work

Courtesy via snafubar
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and - in spite of True Romance magazines - we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely - at least, not all the time - but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness." --Hunter S. Thompson, source

'It was a girl’s face, but she’d stopped being a girl when he wasn’t watching.'

- A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

“I think the point is that 'skinny' girls are 'allowed' to feel beautiful 100% of the time, no questions asked, no justification needed ... However, if someone who wears a size 8 or 6 or 4 were to say “I look alright,” it would be met with “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!” in almost any circle. 'Skinny' women are given permission to feel beautiful every day of their lives, while anyone outside the socially defined realm of 'skinny' has to fucking fight for it (both 'way too skinny' and 'too fat' alike). After a couple decades of hating myself, I’ve realized just how fucked that actually is." --Emily and Paper Tiger

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." --Isak Dinesen, source

Even source text or the like can be inspiring. Like forest milk. Or, Je suis perdu. Unhappy hipsters. Internerd. Boy wonder. Even Instagram.

Courtesy via Ronocklats-

E: not even coffee is making me happy today.

R: did you forget to put the whiskey in it?

(Taste of Frisco tumble:)

me: i still don't know about the summers here. i don't know if i can handle the lack of sun and heat.

him: there have been a couple nice days.

me: yeah, like four.

him: hope you enjoyed them! that's your summer!

It's people like Her who make me realize the best artists aren't super-human but perfectly human. Who drink bourbon because they like it. Who don't lie about how many cupcakes they ate. Who thinks of pairing things like the best (researched) peanut butter and Costco tortilla chips - and then shares that information. Who can smoke one cigarette. Who can take leaps of faith. Who can run fast or slow. Who can dislike marriage and babies but love yours. Who texts back. Who texts first. Who sees the beauty in small, random gifts. Who sees that work isn't everything. Who knows the perfect place for a tattoo. Who sees one man many ways. That a career can be a hobby. That family is worth it in the end. That you can disagree agreeably. That nothing is so serious.

Her latest music worth finding:

Nada Surf, Inside of Love; and Blankest Year
Tears for Fears, Break It Down Again
Handsome Furs, Repatriated
Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues; and Montezuma
The National, Terrible Love
Frightened Rabbit, Swim Until You Can't See Land
Bon Iver, Your Love
Death Cab for Cutie, Tiny Vessels
The Ravonettes, I Wanna Be Adored
Intro, The XX
Kate Nash, Kiss that Grrrl
Old Crow Medicine Show, Wagon Wheel
The Cars, Since You're Gone
Phantogram, When I'm Small
Neko Case, Middle Cyclone

The brothers Followill will be missed from the limelight.

Courtesy via litmusound