Wanted: User-Friendly Best Friend

On a good day, I'm a glass half full girl.

So, I'll begin with what I have.

I have childhood best friends. The people who know your 11-year-old self as much as your 28-year-old one. They sat by you at lunch and slept over on weekends. They made you laugh so hard you peed. They stuck up for you. You fought, you made up, you leaned on each other when you got dumped, or were worried about something especially big. You stay in touch in any way you can, because you can't imagine not.

I have college roommates. Friends from a year abroad, or who was just as excited as you about going from dorm to off-campus living. You may not stay in touch as much, but if you do, or see each other, you don't miss a beat.

I have siblings. Sweet, brilliant ones. Ones who give sincere hugs and ask sincere questions. Who are doing amazing, impressive things across the country.
Sigh, (Can you see what I'm getting at?).

I have a good mom. And dad. And like good moms and dads, they are my parents before my friends.

I have former co-workers. Who do a fairly spiffy job of keeping the conversations alive. Random text messages about good books and movies. Now and then birthday presents of jelly beans and funny cards. Even willing to meet up for sushi when I pass through their sunny parts of California.

I have two consistent e-mail buddies, another introvert and another writer. Some days, this is perfect. Being content to be a freelance writer means I usually adore being left alone all day. But not all the time. And when I'm somewhere in-between, rehashing the best quips from the previous night's 30 Rock, or encouraging words about zany novel-ing, is just what I need.

I'm a military wife. And just a wife. So, there's always a nice, little conduit to female companionship there. Be it Cary's best friend's wife. Be it the wives, girlfriends, or fiances of aviators. Be it a kick-ass aviatrix herself. And of course, there's always the mass e-mail about "lunch bunches" and "game nights," invitations to baby showers and teas. And while everyone understands we're all in need of local pals, we're all just passing through. Especially during training.

I have a husband who is my best friend. This zaps all feelings of isolation 99.9% of the time. But even a gay guy ... There are some things male buddies just don't get. Never mind, I would gladly accept applications for a GBF TODAY.

And I have a dog who's my best friend when my husband is in the dog house.
(The cat doesn't count since she bites.)

Courtesy of eMovingStorage

What I don't have is what I've come to title as a

'user-friendly best friend, will travel, clone-like.'

Sadly, I realized advertising for one on Craigslist might lead to my grissly murder by an Apple computer/Vanilla Sky lover. Best friends only come in the form of friendship bracelets and other jewelry via Ebay. And 222 Facebook acquaintances, and Twitter followers who un-follow me as quickly as they follow me, don't count.

Maybe it's all the friendship-themed books I've read lately. I want Ron, Hermione and Harry always nearby and ready to make me laugh or help me with something. I want Minny, Skeeter and Aibileen. I want a bond like Princess Lissa and Rose Hathaway have. (Well, maybe without the ghosts and insanity.) But I'll be moving every few years of most of my life now. So, in every place, I'm holding open auditions internally for a BF. Because my childhood friends, family, and even latest and greatest buds, no matter how tiny or flexible, won't fit in my suitcase. (And they have lives in case you were like, hey, just throw them in the moving truck; they're not bigger than a couch.) Thus, I have to resort to this:

The Internal Examiner
Classifieds section

Naval aviator wife seeks user-friendly best friend 

Courtesy of Sony Pictures

Military knowledge not necessary, just super easy-going personality. In fact, zero aircraft talk a plus. No babies yet. Likes animals. Would love to travel to places like Japan, Guam, Hawaii, San Diego, Virginia, Florida, Washington D.C., Europe, and other places including the Eastern seaboard. Always writes and calls back or explains why not. Book and movie buff to no end. Chocolate and wine fan. Comic book fan. A nice blend of agreeable and opinionated. Can talk sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. Or pop. Someone I don't have to pretend around that I don't know the names of almost every movie or TV star you'll ever try to think of, and that I haven't actually finished a show's entire season in one workday. Knows laughter is the best medicine.

Thinking more long-term? Consider baby back-packing. Where we stuff our little ones into Baby Bjorns and do things like walk on the Great Wall of China and tour volcanos.

It's a tall order, I know. But I'll make it worth your while. 

Note: Will give rides to airport but complain about it, so I don't feel guilty when I do. 

*     *     *     *     *

"So," Cary says, "You basically want an Aly clone."

"Yeah. Basically ... But better. The 2.0 version."

Courtesy of Sony Pictures